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11 Ways to Save Money in This Tough Economy
Alright. It seems like every site out there is giving people tips on saving money, since our economy is like, 3rd-World-Country bad. It seems like it’s time for the Comedy.com Blog to weigh in. Here are 11 ways to save money in this tough economy.
1. Don’t Buy Anything.
You can go into the woods like the kid from Into the Wild. You can do whatever you’d like. Just don’t buy anything. You’ll smell like shit and hate your life. You might even die. But at least you’ll be saving that hard earned cash.
2. Stop “Making it Rain”.
First of all, it’s a little dated. But more importantly, huge waste of your money. You’ll never recover all of the hundreds that you throw all over strip clubs all willy nilly.
3. Stop Eating Your Money
It doesn’t taste good. Plus all money has trace amounts of all kinds of gross shit from hobos and prostitutes.
4. Stop Giving Money to Charity
Seriously. These are tough times. Fuck those kids.
5. Don’t Buy Anything Rappers Buy
That means no diamond grills, no diamond chains, no diamond rims, no diamond Bentleys, nothing. Do not do what they do. There’s no way any of them can possibly have as much money as the Saudi oil barons they claim to be. Nobody buys CDs anymore. They all go broke. Just avoid all of this shit, as well as Cribs, at all costs.
6. Find a Way to Finally Get Super Rich
Win the lottery. Invent something. Whatever. There is no better time than right now to get super rich. There’re books and shit on how to get rich. Read one and do what they say. Especially if the author is rich too. Then write a book about getting rich and get even more rich. It’s probably easy, but you’re probably way too lazy and stupid.
7. Quit Lighting Cigars with $100 Bills
Smoking is a waste of your money. But it won’t be that bad if you use a lighter or matches and take the flame directly to the cigar or cigarette, instead of using a $100 bill as some sort of fire transfer. It works without all that.
8. Don’t Buy Everything You See
Only buy some of the things you need and want. You can’t just walk around buying everything.
9. Take Up Shoplifting.
Stores sell stuff. You can have it without buying it. Just take it. So you might go to jail. So what. Jails kinda have to feed you.
10. Grow Your Hair Out
The salon is a rip off, bro. Be a man. Grow that beard long. Even if you’re a woman, be a man. Let that lady ’stache grow out. Razors are for fancy billionaires.
11. Stop Going to the Doctor
So what? You get sick. Just let that shit play itself out. Doctors have fancy medicines that are really expensive. You don’t need all that. Plus, you can cure most of the stuff you get through prayer.
The Comedy.com ListMaster is Mike Bridenstine.
