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Some Other Sucker’s Parade: Let’s Tell The UnTruth
For the sake of being honest, let’s be totally dishonest. Let’s tell the untruth. Let’s smile pretty with weapons loaded.
Michael Phelps: He won eight gold metals and now he has been on SNL, approximately 24 Playmates, and is everywhere. People are now annoyed with him for doing EXACTLY WHAT THEY WOULD DO. True, he bugs me, but I would switch with him faster than you can say 4th Jonas Brother.
Jonas Brothers: You confuse me. Are you a band? Are you a workout troupe? You’re saving yourself for marriage? Bigger tan the Beatles? Maybe if you measure in “Jew Fro’s.” Come on America, these kids F more than Russell Brand at the Bunny Ranch. Does anyone really care that they do? They represent Disney. Disney is the single most evil empire alive. Their creator is frozen and waiting for an opportunity to return and just hang out. Not against anything pure or real at all.
Dancing With The Stars: I would rather sprint across the desert for 3 straight days and be rewarded with toast than ever have to watch this show.
America’s Got Talent: Ummm… No they don’t!
New Judge for American Idol: It’s Jump The Shark time for that show. Adding a new, younger, hipper member of the cast, when has that worked? See: Growing Pains, Brady Bunch, Different Strokes, and Menudo.
I could go on, but I don’t want to. I have a show. Then I have to eat soup- Then I have to write a real blog in a few days, so cut this boy some slack. I am I am I am J Chris Newberg.
J Chris Newberg is a comic, actor, producer, song writer, and author living in Los Angeles and occasionally Detroit with his loyal and aging Cocker Spaniel, Flower. You can find him at jchrisnewberg.com, myspace.com/jchrisnewberg, or just google him because you know you want to. His column runs every Thursday.
