New reporters getting destroyed by various people and things.

USC cheerleaders are okay to look at.

11 best film moments of Samuel L. Jackson yelling.

Was Nick Jonas once the Pepsi girl?

Is Bayside’s hottest couple back together again?

I’m loving it!

The 8 worst bosses to work for.

13 people you didn’t know were on the Wonder Years.

Some Australian politician advocates using cattle prods on the unemployed?

Divorce makes your teeth fall out.

This thing is sweet. Whatever it is.

World’s coolest monkey?

For the sake of being honest, let’s be totally dishonest. Let’s tell the untruth. Let’s smile pretty with weapons loaded.

Michael Phelps: He won eight gold metals and now he has been on SNL, approximately 24 Playmates, and is everywhere. People are now annoyed with him for doing EXACTLY WHAT THEY WOULD DO. True, he bugs me, but I would switch with him faster than you can say 4th Jonas Brother.

Jonas Brothers: You confuse me. Are you a band? Are you a workout troupe? You’re saving yourself for marriage? Bigger tan the Beatles? Maybe if you measure in “Jew Fro’s.” Come on America, these kids F more than Russell Brand at the Bunny Ranch. Does anyone really care that they do? They represent Disney. Disney is the single most evil empire alive. Their creator is frozen and waiting for an opportunity to return and just hang out. Not against anything pure or real at all.

Dancing With The Stars: I would rather sprint across the desert for 3 straight days and be rewarded with toast than ever have to watch this show.

America’s Got Talent: Ummm… No they don’t!

New Judge for American Idol: It’s Jump The Shark time for that show. Adding a new, younger, hipper member of the cast, when has that worked? See: Growing Pains, Brady Bunch, Different Strokes, and Menudo.

I could go on, but I don’t want to. I have a show. Then I have to eat soup- Then I have to write a real blog in a few days, so cut this boy some slack. I am I am I am J Chris Newberg.

J Chris Newberg is a comic, actor, producer, song writer, and author living in Los Angeles and occasionally Detroit with his loyal and aging Cocker Spaniel, Flower. You can find him at jchrisnewberg.com, myspace.com/jchrisnewberg, or just google him because you know you want to. His column runs every Thursday.

Ben Gleib at the RNC.

Another bad street name. Really bad.

Want a job? Keep your Facebook PG-13.

2008-2009 NBA predictions.

You thought your job was bad.

How to get your neighbors to clean up after their dogs.

MySpace Toolbox of the Day.

Sarah Palin baby name generator.

This is a photo of Lindsay Lohan’s butt.

SNL had its best premier since 2001.

The 30 worst autobiography pun titles.

Hi Pig!

What are you wearing? Clothes are weird.

Ok,so a bunch of people emailed me about Sarah Palin. I’m hesitant to write about her because I’d be competing with everyone in the world who’s riffing, ripping, spitting, supporting, farting, loving, hating, queefing, mocking, puking, crapping and quoting her (or on her).

Wait, now I want to try! Ok. Here we go. Writing about Sarah Palin….10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0, -1, -2, -3… ENOUGH!

Countdown-ing reminds me of New Year’s Eve and my friends Lizzy C. and Karey D, not Sarah P. Sometimes I like to rhyme when I design my lines for you to read can you see how I feed your eyes with no lies?

What? I lie a lot, but rhyming is fun. Anytits…..

I think the Republicans know exactly what they are doing with Palin, and their plan is working. Nobody is talking about: tax cuts, foreign policy, education, health care, civil liberties, environment, technology…ya know boring shit that will save our future.

It’s all about this…..

Palin has become the new Britney Spears, she’s toxic and everyone wants a piece of her. Bing bang boom! Her five kids are probably like, “K-Fed is fertile, just like our family! He’s always in Vegas. Crazy guy.”

Maybe Britney will be a hockey mom soon, I’m sure her sons will have enough hand-eye coordination to knock up a Governor’s teenage daughter. I don’t know man..I shouldn’t rip on Britney, I like her music. But Palin is stealing the gossip magazine spotlight and the brains from brainwashed Americans. I wonder what brand of brainwasher Americans buy to wash their believing brains. It’s probably called DRAMATIC LADY DISTRACTION. Yeah, that’s a great name.

Also, when Palin said “The only difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull is …lipstick,” I thought to myself, “Wow, it’s really hard to think of any other differences between a hockey mom and a pit bull Mrs. Palin, but I did manage to find one… pit bull’s kids don’t play hockey you jack hole!”

And then Obama was like, “You can put lipstick on a pig, but it’s still a pig.” I said, “True dat, true dat.” (not racist). McCain said that exact same line last year, that mother fuckin’ cracker.

There. I tried to riff on Pig Palin and politics. I know the lipstick shit is old already, but what-the-fuck-ever.

Lets get to a question, it’s random and sort of sad.

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The 10 ugliest fish on earth.

The worst college mascots of all time.

Porn stars that look like celebrities.

Ruining the dreams of children can be kinda funny.

10 hottest ESPN lady reporters.

You need more cowbell!

Woman gives birth at comedy club.

Is anyone worried about Tom Brady getting fat?

Point Break sequel?

Holly Madison left Hef for that magician guy.

That magician guy shows everybody how to levitate.

Top 8 racist things found on the web.

Chucky dolls invade Times Square.

Steelers grandma shows off her new ink.

Back flip into jeans.

We need a new trend.

7 ways to play Jenga.

Wanna see up Jessica Simpson’s skirt?

10 quotable comedies from the ’80’s.

Spike Lee thinks Clint Eastwood will cost him an Oscar.

36 photos of brides in their underwear.

This is what would happen if the world voted for U.S. President.

Here I am, coming to you from The Mile-High City, bringing you my take on politics in the midst of this exciting political atmosphere!

Actually, I have no “take.” And that’s unfortunate, because I feel like this is the first time in my life that I can hold discussions with adults about politics. But it’s not that I “can” hold them. I “may” hold them. And that’s the problem.

I don’t really know what I’m talking about when it comes to politics. To be honest, I just questioned whether or not I should capitalize “politics.” That’s where I’m coming from here.

However, despite my overall ignorance of Politics, I do know that I like Obama. A lot. But I worry that it might be for the same reason I would wear a Yankees hat proudly… because I think it’s cute.

I don’t mean to infer that I think Obama is cute. I do, but that’s not all I like about him. I don’t need to go into why else I like him (mostly because I couldn’t even if I wanted to), but everyone knows why everyone likes Obama.

His name reminds people of the Bahamas.

So clearly, I have no business discussing or debating politics. But I’ve been doing it a lot. I got into a heated debate the other night in Raleigh, NC after a show. It was with a gentleman who, oddly enough, was once the winner of a Yankees Fans reality show. I forget the name of it and would look it up for you, but I don’t care enough about this fellow to do that.

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The buzz around the Internet this week has been about Mini Me’s sex tape hitting the web. My assignment from Comedy.com was to sign up for SexWithMiniMe.com and give a review of the tape.

The site looked legit. There’re Austin Powers graphics some douchebag made and everything. There’re screencaps of Verne Troyer and whoever that girl is engaged in what-seems-to-be hilariously awkward sex acts. The top right image there is enough to make me laugh for the next decade. I knew it would be disgusting and I was kind of looking forward to it.

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Chris Hansen takes the fun out of everything.

P. Diddy is a liar!

Louis CK on the N-Word.

Famous people recreated with LEGOs.

An ironic video about voting Republican.

Russell Brand was offered a hosting spot at next years VMAs.

Christian the Lion gets its own biopic.

The 25 most romantic movies since 1983.

Rolling Stone’s 25 funniest web videos.

The saddest male models in the world.

Ain’t no party like a political party ‘cuz a political party don’t stop!

Thanks, CeleBully.