Hey ladies, do you ever have a hard time finding just the right words to say to your fella? Well our crack department of romance advisers and our seventeen-year-old intern, Slava, have just the words for you. He’s like Cyrano de Bergerac, but way more correct.

12. “My landlord says I can’t have pets in the apartment anymore so I’d really appreciate if you let my self-sufficient, highly trained, kung-fu fighting, hilarious monkey live at your place and grow weed for you.”

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John McCain’s top economic adviser recently suggested that McCain helped create the BlackBerry. Here are 6 reasons why John McCain could not have invented the BlackBerry.

6. BlackBerries come from Canada.

RIM, the company that came up with BlackBerry is based in Ontario. And John McCain totally isn’t Canadian. He’s from Panama. But, luckily for McCain, Sarah Palin can probably see Canada from certain porches in Alaska.

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Recently, Comedy.com’s Fashion Correspondent, Mike Burns gave us his take on the worst fashion trends for douchebags. Let’s see what his take is on awful hip-hop trends. Here are the 8 worst hip-hop fashion trends. Enjoy.

Think some of these are passé? They might be to you if you live in a major city, but I guarantee you if you swing by the local mall in the Midwest or the south, you’ll see this garbage sadly alive and well. I’ve been in Detroit , Chicago , New York , and Los Angeles recently, and all of this bad taste is still vomiting all over from coast to coast.

8. BAPEstas

Nigo of “A Bathing Ape”, and Pharrell Williams’ fashion Asian houseboy, has been releasing these Nike Air Force 1 knock-offs for years. And charging twice as much for them.

Doesn’t anyone remember the line, “I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips!”

BAPEstas = Zips. Just because they cost a shit-ton and are hard to get, it doesn’t make them cool.

7. Sports Jerseys

You know who should wear dude’s sports jerseys? Teenage girls whose boyfriends play for their high school team.

Either that or New York guidos who want to go down on Derek Jeter but would never admit it so instead they just wear an oversized Yankees jersey to crappy midtown sports bars, making sure it’s long enough to hide their closeted Jeter boner.

Thankfully, these are almost all the way out the door unless you live in a trailer park and want to play gangsta with your broke ass peroxided Eminem haircut and giant denim shorts. Corny hoops or fake diamond earrings optional.

By the way, isn’t it funny how the new generation of white trash stoner racists now dress like the “wiggers” their older brothers used to beat up?

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This is Natalie Dylan, the girl auctioning off her virginity on the Bunny Ranch website to pay for her college loans. Here are questions bidders should ask Natalie Dylan, the Girl Auctioning Off Her Virginity.

8. Do we have to do it at the Bunny Ranch?

We saw that show “Cathouse” on HBO and that place gives us the creeps. And we have a suspicion that the fat owner guy, Dennis Hoff, finds a way to watch. *Shudder*

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